Its funny how things work out sometimes. I love it. For instance. I was dating this really great person, but something was just... off. Because it was so wierd the relationship I was in ended. It was all on good terms, but still. And I realized how much my friend had been there for me, and how I felt when I was there for him. This friend and I had dated a couple years ago, and it ended badly. Its been a rocky period for us, but when that relationship I was in ended, I realized... I really missed this guy. I found out that I was still very much crushing on him, and I felt bad for the guys I dated after that relationship, because I couldn't truly give them my whole heart- someone else still was holding on to it, and I don't think I really wanted him to give it back to me.
Yesterday I was EXHAUSTED- I'd been to a concert the night before, and didn't get home til about one, so I was trying to sleep on the way to school. I couldn't do it on the first bus. But then on the shuttle bus, I sat with this guy (let's call him J) and said, "I am so tired. I need to sleep." So he looked at me and gave me a cute little hug, and I just told him "OK, you're my pillow now," leaned over and put my head on his shoulder, closed my eyes and rested. I felt so at peace and comfortable just sitting there, and he made it more comfortable when he leaned his head over on top of my head. I felt warm, happy, and got those pesky albeit adorable butterflies in my stomach feeling, just by sitting like that with him. The best part, however was when he just put his arm around me, and I cuddled up next to him. I felt so content, so... right with him.
I had been so happy hanging out with him, him walking me to my classes, carrying my backpack for me, giving me the best melt-in-your-arms hugs ever, and joking around with each other. So when my friend told me that he wanted to ask me out (again), you can probably see how happy I was- it just made my day. So naturally, as we walked from class to class, I couldn't help but smile- I like this guy so much! But when is he gonna ask me? These thoughts came rushing into my mind, and I couldn't think of anything else for a while. As he hugged me goodbye before the bell, the rest of the world... vanished. That is, until someone ran into me, and the hug broke. I couldn't wait for lunch, because I saw him every day either before or after lunch- and I always got one of those AMAZING hugs.
This day though, was a little bit different. He came directly over to me, gave me a big hug, and just sat with me, waiting and talking. When the bell rang, he didn't go on to lunch: he walked me back to class. We stood in the hallway, talking and laughing with each other. About five minutes into the ten, my best friend ran up and gave me a hug, turned to him and said "Did you ask her yet??" as he stood there blushing and I shooed her off to class. He was stuttering, and he finally looked at me and said "Well, you know by now what I'm gonna ask you...So...?" I answered "Yeah I know what you're gonna ask, but I want to hear you say it." J answered, "I don't know why this is so much more difficult than it was before..." He took a few deep breaths, looked at me, and asked very quietly "Will you be my girlfriend?" I couldn't hear him, so I leaned closer to him and asked him to repeat it. "Will you be my girlfriend?" I smiled and said absolutely, and gave him a bigg hug- which he returned, with a kiss on the cheek.
The whole point of this is that this guy, J, had been cheated on and was heartbroken. He remembered in the past a mistake he had made while dating me, and he told me with teary eyes that he was truly sorry. I pulled him into a hug, and held him there for a few minutes. I told him I know it hurts, and I forgave him for the mistake he made. The past is but a chapter, you have to flip the page to move on and learn from it. Turning the page, I told him, is the first step to the future. His response? Sometimes... I wish you could still be a part of my future. I told him I may be. No one can tell the future. But I hope I can be, I said.
I just didn't expect the future would come so soon!
The Lesson? expect the unexpected!
Live Life Free
~S
Saturday, November 20, 2010
10/10/10
Ok, so you sit around waiting for life to get easier, hoping, praying for a break. Fast forward: you're at your school's homecoming dance, and this ADORABLE guy is trying to dance with you. You tell yourself and everyone else that you can't dance. Why do we do this??
Simple. Lack of Confidence. We see all these people having fun, dancing like pros, and looking so natural. Then we tell ourselves, "I could never do that, I can't dance well!" Well, you're sabotaging your own confidence by saying you can't do something. Never tell yourself you can't do something. You can do anything, you just have to let loose, relax, and try your best. Most of these things come naturally, and we psych ourselves out by comparing ourselves to others. If you want to be confident, the most important thing you have to learn is to laugh at yourself- not criticize yourself. If it seems weird, do it anyway! You could end up the center of attention just by being the person who's doing something different. Of course if you don't want to be the center of attention, you can tone it all down a bit. Ha ha ha. If you say you don't know how to dance, admit it- someone will be the one to step up and lead. If you just relax and let loose, it will happen naturally.
Something recently clicked with me: why on earth do I want to be like all the other people, and why do I let them control me? It's not worth it, and I don't want it to happen anymore- so I took back control of my life, and I couldn't be happier! I'm focused on myself for once, and I'm not worrying what all the other people are thinking. If I live my life based on what everyone else thinks... Where do I go? My whole personality disappears and someone else's opinion of what I should do and who I should be takes its place. I say, NO! I am who I am, and if you have a problem, you can take it somewhere else, 'cause I'm not interested in changing for someone else. It's not worth it, and I don't want to deal with the stress or drama of it all anymore. People who put me down don't realize how important I really can be- until they need me for something. Then I have the power to turn them away or to help them- no matter how cruel or rude they can be, I usually agree to help them, if I can.
I'm done living for other people- I'm living for myself, and no one is going to change that. EVER. My confidence level has grown a lot as I've gone through high school, and I'm proud of it.
Live free, and be happy.
Never sell yourself short!
Simple. Lack of Confidence. We see all these people having fun, dancing like pros, and looking so natural. Then we tell ourselves, "I could never do that, I can't dance well!" Well, you're sabotaging your own confidence by saying you can't do something. Never tell yourself you can't do something. You can do anything, you just have to let loose, relax, and try your best. Most of these things come naturally, and we psych ourselves out by comparing ourselves to others. If you want to be confident, the most important thing you have to learn is to laugh at yourself- not criticize yourself. If it seems weird, do it anyway! You could end up the center of attention just by being the person who's doing something different. Of course if you don't want to be the center of attention, you can tone it all down a bit. Ha ha ha. If you say you don't know how to dance, admit it- someone will be the one to step up and lead. If you just relax and let loose, it will happen naturally.
Something recently clicked with me: why on earth do I want to be like all the other people, and why do I let them control me? It's not worth it, and I don't want it to happen anymore- so I took back control of my life, and I couldn't be happier! I'm focused on myself for once, and I'm not worrying what all the other people are thinking. If I live my life based on what everyone else thinks... Where do I go? My whole personality disappears and someone else's opinion of what I should do and who I should be takes its place. I say, NO! I am who I am, and if you have a problem, you can take it somewhere else, 'cause I'm not interested in changing for someone else. It's not worth it, and I don't want to deal with the stress or drama of it all anymore. People who put me down don't realize how important I really can be- until they need me for something. Then I have the power to turn them away or to help them- no matter how cruel or rude they can be, I usually agree to help them, if I can.
I'm done living for other people- I'm living for myself, and no one is going to change that. EVER. My confidence level has grown a lot as I've gone through high school, and I'm proud of it.
Live free, and be happy.
Never sell yourself short!
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